Should Christians use online dating services to find their spouse? This is one of the toughest questions Christians have to face today. Unfortunately, the Bible doesn’t say anything about these services nor did they exist when the Bible was compiled. Hence, we can’t explicitly say that God is against them or that it is sinful to date online. One sure thing is that online dating shows a sign of lack of trust in God and desperation.
Christians are trying so hard to live their lives like the world. It’s not because our colleagues or neighbors are dating online that we as Christians should do the same. We should remember, we are not of this world and like John said in 1John 2:15 “Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you.” The problem with us is that we’re impatient. We can’t wait on the Lord to meet our needs. However, we can never rush God and shouldn’t take the wheel of our lives just because God is taking time. The Lord Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:33 to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and the rest will be added to us. As followers of Christ, we are supposed to let God guide in all aspects of life and not just part of it. It’s not because one of our Christian friends found his/her spouse online that we should do the same. This is just the devil telling us that there’s nothing wrong with online services and that they do work. It’s his way of telling us that we do not need God nor do we have to rely on Him to find a mate. Marriage is a delicate matter and God created it because it brings joy and Satan knows the power that exists when two people from different sexes come together and that’s why he’s doing everything to destroy what God created. This is the reason why there are so many divorces, unhappy marriages, etc.
Chandler from Sanctified Church Revolution says “it [online dating] is not right in the eyes of God, because these dating sites are of the world and His [God’s] Kingdom does not need any help connecting whom He wants to connect for a long-life commitment.” I heard a comment one time saying “If we use the Internet to find jobs, why can’t we use it to find our future spouse?” Well, the reason is that God never planned for man to spend energy looking for a wife. Everything was given to him including food at the beginning. All he (Adam) had to do was care for the garden (of Eden). But because he sinned, God told Adam that he would have to suffer to survive. Genesis 3:17 reads “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree… cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.” This passage tells us that man should have to struggle to eat. So that means, he will have to use all means (online job search, relocation, work one or more jobs, etc.) to meet his needs. However, in regards to marriage, it was a gift from God. The Lord never said that man had to toil to find a wife. Adam never knew that he needed another person like him but God noticed that it wasn’t good for him to be alone and that’s why he made Eve out of one of Adam’s ribs (Genesis 2:18, 21). In other words, we are not called to find our own mate. It’s God’s job to match us with our future spouse and He doesn’t need our help or any online dating services to take us to our Adam or Eve.
All these online dating services might have their benefits such as meeting a group of single people and they appear to be the perfect places to solve loneliness and our love problems. But if one can spend time to reflect on those services, he/she will find lots of flaws that come with them. Matches are generally done based on what you want in a spouse or how well someone is compatible with you instead of biblical criteria. In the article “A Small Case Against Online Dating“, Joshua Sowin lists the problems associated with online dating. Some of those problems are:
- Unparalleled Frankness. When you read all these self-revealed facts about someone you don’t know, you can “hit it right off” because you already know a wealth of information about them. Yet, that information also creates a pseudo-intimacy that leads to unhealthy and premature frankness. Add to this the removal of personal intimacy through the medium of text and you have one bold man and woman. They will say things to each other that people in a real relationship could not say for months, if not years.
- Dishonesty: It is estimated that ? of online daters are married men. You don’t know who you’re talking to. You’re not even sure if the person you’re talking with is Christian or not
- Profiles are based on what the person thinks of themselves, not what you think of them. Even if a person is being more honest than dishonest, they usually put their best foot forward when talking about themselves. But online you can be an entirely different person. People create multiple online personas. It is the ultimate place of being whoever you want to be. When you look at someone’s “profile” or “autobiography,” you are basing your “match” on what that person thinks of himself.
Online dating services are not God’s will for us. We need to be patient and wait on the Lord. When the right time comes, He’ll take us to our Adam. God knows what’s best for us; He’s the best matchmaker and will surely give us the desires of our hearts.