Single Ladies: Stop the Pity Party

The ISSUE: A lot of us, single women, have seen for the past years our childhood or college friends getting married and having kids but nothing major has happened in our own lives. In the meantime, our biological clock has been ticking, ticking, and ticking…We feel embarrassed to be around dating and married couples and display the same ‘single’ status on Facebook. As a result, we indulge ourselves in self-pity or try to elicit pity from our surroundings: We want the world to see how singleness is a misery and a painful disease. We’ve at times resorted to go on a couple of dates, visit online dating sites, or flirt with men at events just to console ourselves. Not forgetting the few episodes of depression we’ve sunk into. Ladies, it’s time we stop the pity party!

Our IDENTITY: Yes, we desire to get married and have children. Yes, we’re not getting any younger. Yes, we might at times be the laughingstock of our family/friends. Yes, we have been praying and fasting about this issue witho

ut any positive response from the Lord. But I’m begging you ladies, let’s seriously ask ourselves this question: Did Jesus save us so that we could be married? Galatians 1:3-4 tells us “Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father.” Christ endured the cross and its shame so we could be reconciled to the Father and thus be delivered from this world and its passion. Hence, if we behave desperately like the people of this age by being depressed and throwing pity parties, what’s the point then of saying that we’re born-again? What message are we sending to the people around us?

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We need to embrace our identity as ambassadors and soldiers of Christ instead of future wives. Our number one priority isn’t to get married rather to be witnesses for Christ (Acts 1:8). Recently, I read a verse that revolutionized my pity parties on singleness: “You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier”-2 Timothy 2:3-4. Here, Paul is encouraging Timothy to persevere in his sufferings for Christ like a good soldier. The most important part of this passage is that Timothy should not be preoccupied by the affairs or worries of life just like a good soldier. What could be those ‘affairs’ of life for us? Marriage, money, sickness, academic success, etc. Paul is not saying that Timothy should forget or ignore these affairs but instead they shouldn’t be his priority. Let’s pray and fast for marriage, but we shouldn’t let it consume us.

Reality CHECK: One thing I’ve learnt from preparing myself for marriage is that if I’m not happy as a single person, I won’t be as a married one. Marriage is not a magical phenomenon that takes our miserable life and turn it into a beautiful fairy tale. Truth be told, there are married people who are still feel lonely due to lack of communication in the relationship, for example. We have to learn to be content and fulfilled now so that our marriage will be ‘very good’ as said in Genesis 1:31. Someone once said: “I’m not single because I’m weak; but I’m single because I’m strong enough for God’s best for me.” It takes a strong woman to wait on the promises of God by choosing the path of holiness in place of fornication or dating around. So, let’s stop the pity party and the depressive moods. We are blessed and favored when we put Christ first by seeking His kingdom and being patient in suffering like a good soldier, because our God will surely provide for our greatest desire!

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