image: Single Sisters in University
Interview Topic: The Pressure To Be In A Relationship In College
Sisters! Meet Miho, a Business Management graduate.
On campus, it seems like almost every girlfriend on campus is dating someone; is it a pressure to be in a relationship in school? How does a Christian lady deal with it? Join our conversation.
How high was the pressure to be in a romantic relationship on campus?
Very high, I mean when I looked around almost all my girlfriends were in a relationship. For most girls, if they happened to break up with their boyfriends, a few weeks later, they already had a new one.
Where does the pressure come from?
The pressure can come the external or internal. External pressures can be family members or friends telling you to get a boyfriend. Financial challenges can also influence one to get a man to help out. Entertainment or what we watch on TV can trigger us to consider a relationship. Internal pressures can come from the desperate longing to feel validated by a man, or to break loneliness. At times, we, women, want to show others that we can be loved by a man, consequently, we get a boyfriend.
How did you personally handle it?
I was blessed to have friends and family members who didn’t pressure me when it came to relationships. In terms of internal pressures, yes, at times, when I felt lonely, there was a thought to get into a relationship but I dealt with it by constantly reminding myself that purity for Christ was worth more than a temporary moment of pleasure with a man. Of course, the only way I could have such mental discipline was by being immersed in the Bible, fasting, prayer, etc.
Did you feel different for not being in a relationship like your peers?
Not different per se. I think that at times I didn’t blend in because they could be discussing about their relationship struggles and I had nothing to say or no clue about what they were saying or experiencing.
Did your peers ridicule you?
Not at all. They were very respectful about my decision not to date. Some were shocked but they had never ridiculed me (maybe they did it behind my back, lol, who knows?)
What’s your opinion on romantic relationships in school?
My answer will be geared towards romantic relationships in general if that’s okay. When it comes to dating, for short, I go with what the Bible tells me. Now, there’s no mention about dating in the Bible, there are only marriages and engagements. Why? The simple answer is that it’s just not biblical. When you really look at the reasons why people date (going back to the external and internal pressures), you see that it’s not founded on the Word. Now, when people say that they want to know each other really well before going to the altar, I think it’s just a way of relying on their own efforts and this goes against Proverbs 3:5-6. Additionally when you look at it, the majority of dating relationships lead to fornication, heartbreaks, and spiritual distractions.
So, why do you think the Christian ladies in school then get into these relationships despite knowing these truths? I don’t think most Christian students know about these truths; we follow the patterns of the world without knowing it. For others, who are aware, sometimes the temptation is stronger than our spiritual state, so we give in.
Tell us about some of the things you did to keep yourself from the temptation to enter in a relationship? I made sure to always keep a close relationship with God (through prayer, praise, Bible study, fasting) so that He satisfied all my needs. It was important that I always monitored what I watched and listened to, because I think mostly that’s where feelings of infatuation come from. I limited my talks with men and never gave them my phone number. These were just some of the things I did.
What advice do you have for SSU? SSU need to seek the Lord diligently. When we don’t know the Word of God, the devil can quickly and easily deceive us to believe in his lies such as dating. Find your joy and purpose in the Lord not men, Psalm 16:8 says “I know the Lord is always with me.I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.” I pray that you will be led by the Lord so that He can present you as a pure bride to your future husband.