The Reason I Don’t Date or Court
Sisters! Meet Clo, a former SSU. She holds an Associate of Arts degree. Since we are celebrating the month of love, we chatted with Clo on the subject of dating/courting. Clo doesn’t believe in dating or courting, she has another approach, let’s find out.
Give us a bit of your background, have you ever been in a relationship before? On a date?
I have never been in a relationship before. Never been on a date in my life.
In my family, academics come first. My parents always believed that I should first make something of myself before embarking on a romantic journey. Hence, I grew up focusing on school without allowing any distractions. When I received Christ in my life, I resolved to only wait for the one God prepared for me, that’s why I never dated around.
Can you elaborate more on your reasons for not believing in dating?
When you look up the definition of the word ‘date’, it says “regularly spend time with someone you have a romantic relationship with” (Cambridge Dictionary). Now, let’s put this definition in Christian terms, “dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage partner is also a believer in Christ” (Got Question Ministries). There are issues with both definitions; the former gives a foothold for physical attraction to occur as both partners meet regularly and have developed romantic interests for one another. The latter definition implies that we, humans, have to do the effort of trying to figure out whether or not this person is marriage-material and a believer in Christ. The Bible says that “the human heart is the most deceitful of all things” (Jeremiah 17:9). A man can fake his relationship with God in order to lure a woman to marry him. Based on these issues, I prefer to wait upon the Lord and trust Him to guide me.
Many Christians use the approach of ‘courting’ where two individuals have no intimate contact and only spend time in the presence of relatives, what do you think about that?
I believe that this method works well. In past generations where young girls were taught to be pure before marriage, courting worked really well. However, in today’s age with the influences of television and entertainment (movies & music), courting is only a theory. I have seen many Christian ladies use the term “courting” in their relationships yet they go out alone with their partners for the sake of freedom and privacy. Their parents are not involved and there’s no spiritual guidance throughout the courting experience. At the end of the day, this courting can just be called dating because there’s not much difference with what the world does.
So, what is your approach in finding out God’s will for your future husband?
I have always taken the story of Isaac and Rebekah as my reference (Genesis 24). Abraham’s servant was given the task to find a wife for Isaac; this servant understood the great significance and challenge of the task. He didn’t just say let me pick and choose a wife based on my feelings or observations, He realized one important thing: “man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Consequently, the servant prayed about this matter (Gen24:14), he relied on the Lord’s guidance and asked for a specific and unlikely sign; in that way, when things would come to pass, he would be sure that it was really from God. I have used this same approach by praying about my marriage and asking God for a specific and unlikely sign. When the sign will come to pass and I am convinced in prayer and fasting about the person, there won’t be any need for dating/courting but marriage counselling (Gen24:67). Concerning this verse, Dr. Jeff of Israel Today Ministries says “To understand this verse is to understand the role of the woman in Jewish culture. ..Sarah, Isaac’s mother, had passed away and left a huge void in the life of the family. When she was alive her presence nurtured a reminder of the blessings of God…The Tent was a place of activity, responsibility and service.” These words help us understand that Rebekah was brought into Sarah’s tent to guide her steps as a future wife, and no wonder the verse ends by saying “and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.”
One may argue that your approach is strict, perhaps it doesn’t give the ‘open door’ to meet and mingle with men with the purpose of finding ‘the one’. What are your comments?
Everyone has their goals in life, some want to meet and mingle with men, as for me, I just want to meet and mingle with ‘one’ man and that is my husband. I don’t want to give the opportunity to any other man of knowing me personally and intimately. Following God’s Word has been a big blessing in my journey; it’s prevented me from experiencing unnecessary heartbreaks or love betrayal caused by wrong partner choice. I believe that if I honor the Lord, He will honor me with a blessed union and that’s what I’m longing for. So, if this takes time, I only ask God to continue renewing my strength rather than rushing to a temporary moment of pleasure in meeting men.
What would you advise SSU in regards to dating/courting?
I would tell SSU to do it God’s way. Earlier I mentioned about the influences that movies, music, and tv have on us. Proverbs 3:5-6 say “trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” If you can put this verse into practice, it will go well with you. Don’t trust your heart, instincts, the looks, or whatever people may say. Live in obedience to the Word of God, and let the Father direct you. Never underestimate the power of prayer and fasting, they are of great benefit when waiting and deciding for marriage.